White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
