woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Everyone says I win the strip club
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
