So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
