Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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