Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
