You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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