fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
