I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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