Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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