i already hear my dad disowning me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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