Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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