you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
