Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just google imaged poop.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
