i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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