The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
