Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
