4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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