So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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