So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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