Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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