they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
