One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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