the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
