hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
