so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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