I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
