is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
