We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
