Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
