u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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