Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
