Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
