you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Houston, we have a squirter
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
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