That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
