Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
