He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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