also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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