That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
