My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
