I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
