can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
