Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize