sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
