You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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