We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
