So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
