textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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