I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
