I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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