I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
