She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
