the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
