He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
