btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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