I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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