I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
