Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just found puke in my bra..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
