The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
