I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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