I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
