After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
