I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
