I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
