Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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