Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
