dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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