Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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