I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
