Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
