I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
