My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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