Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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