dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
as a side note pls kill me
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
