My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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