I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
