I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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