Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
