dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
