You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
