It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
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