On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
