I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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