would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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