I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
