the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
