Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
