You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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