He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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