3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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