why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
