She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
