I should be sponsored by Trojan
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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