She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
its liver damage thursday
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
