What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
