My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
