You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
is it fun? or sober?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
