omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Randomize
