just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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