who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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