you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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