in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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