Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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