Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
