omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
