I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
