I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
